Since my chemo and two surgeries it has been a game of trying figure out how to live with, and adjust to, different side effects that happen to you from chemo, surgery, and now radiation. I am going to share with you some of the ones that have happened to me. Please note that I am not complaining. I am just letting you into my world and into the journey a lot of cancer patients have to go through and some of them they never talk about. My only hope in letting you all know this is so that the next time your loved one or friends have been "chosen" to join this club, you will be aware of some of the other struggles they may have, and depending on the individual, may not even tell you about.
Through chemo I, of course, lost my hair, and was very nauseated. Those are the ones that everyone associates with chemo. I also suffered with a horrible case of acid re-flux on steroids. It was strong! Chemo messes up your GI tract really bad. There were days it was hard to get a deep breath and any movement caused great pain. One day I went into chemo after being up all night in pain (yes I really am that stubborn) thinking that they'd be putting me into an ambulance and out to the hospital. My nurse Sherry, helped with calming me to let me know I was going to be ok and what was going on. She also had my doctor come make sure it was acid re-flux. I started eating Tums like candy and within 30 minutes I was getting relief. I also lost half of my finger nails on both thumbs and one finger. The other started to recede but didn't come off. Yep, another side effect! I am still working through the a lot of joint pain, and I have neuropathy in my hands and feet. Some days it is hard to wear shoes, let alone a sock and shoe. Barefoot, flip-flops, and slippers have become my best friends.
After chemo I had two surgeries. The first one was to remove the lump/mass, to take a few of the lymph nodes that were cancerous, and reconstruction of the breasts. It was about 3 days after my first surgery that I got a call from my breast surgeon telling me that the pathology report came back showing 4 of the nodes they took out showed cancer and they would have to go back in and do a sentinel node dissection. This was when for the first time I realized I had cancer and I was scared! Everything had moved so fast from the time I was diagnosed that my head hadn't took time to process it all. I am blonde, and at that time bald with chemo brain (a real thing!) So it took me longer!
The second surgery bought about a whole new set of challenges. I developed lymphatic cording and lymphedema due to the removal of my lymph nodes. I started going to physical therapy (specializing in lymphedema and cording) 3 times a week. We had to push the start of radiation due to the fact I could not get my arm above my head and into the arm cuffs. I have been doing this therapy at least twice a week now and all through radiation. There has been some great progress due to these great therapists I see.
Radiation began Sept 9, I went everyday, 5 days a week, for 33 treatments, and my last day was Oct. 24. Radiation is a nasty little creature because you really don't know that anything is really happening. Then 4-5 days into it (most people 2 weeks), BAM! you can get a really red "sunburn". Kind of like when you go to the beach and think you have enough sunscreen on, and then you get back to the hotel room and look like Louie the Lobster!! Yep, that is what happened. Then the little blisters pop up their little heads to say hi. Only I thought they were little pimples! It was very painful, and for me the mental was harder than the chemo.
At the three week mark, into my almost 7 weeks of radiation, my right breast was a lovely shade of candy apple red, and some spots so burned, they went to a deep purple color. The burns stretch under my arm and went clear through to my back and shoulder. The heat radiates from the inside out, and that can be a tad painful. During this time I had to have a follow up visit with my plastic surgeon, and she immediately gave me a really good burn cream! By the time my last week rolled around, I had a nice tan but no longer suffering from the red hot burn. I am now done with radiation, and Nov. the 4th I will be meeting with my Oncologist to see what my next step in this journey is.
I am starting to feel stronger and trying to build my endurance and physical strength back up. It is a slow and sometimes frustrating process, but pushing on I will always do. So bring on the next step!!!
Once again I can not thank all of you for taking a moment to read this blog, for sending all your love and encouragement in each of your own special ways, and for helping with medical bills by donating money (my SWA family IS AWESOME!!). I will tell you that having cancer has turned out to be an incredible blessing in my life.....you say WHAT???? Well, God has brought so many great people into my life that I would never have known if I didn't have to travel this road! I have made some incredible new friends, and old friendships have become even closer....I AM A BLESSED LADY, and because of my Lord and your support and love, I push on!!!
I love you all,
Mary, Mary Ann, Marr, Marr Marr, Marr Bear.......I love all my little nicknames!!!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Strength
I have so many people tell me how I have touched there life in one way or another and my strength is incredible. Their words NOT mine, but thank you!! So, I need to tell you what has happened in my life, and tell you why I am strong. There are 2 incredible ladies in my life that mean the world to me, they are my mother, Thelma (Timmie) Macht, and my sister Julia Buck (Macht). I could tell you story after story about these 2 ladies, but I am only going to share with you one particular event. On August 21st I received a startling phone call from my sister, that Mom had fallen, she was at the hospital, and it was not looking very good. Julie was struggling with how she was going to be able to handle everything! I said I am on the next plane, I am coming to help (this is what we do in our family)! Let me give you a bit of background here, my sister has been/is one of my biggest supporters and fans from the second I was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been back and forth from Phoenix to Denver almost every other week, staying for days on end, to care for me both physically and mentally. She did this while still keeping her home and family going. She has 4 children, 1 still at home in high school, and very active in hockey, and a wonderful husband who wholeheartedly supported her being with me. She also was busy supporting our parents, and keeping them informed of all my stuff! All the while my sister had a surgical procedure that limited her from lifting just a week before all of this had happened, and was trying to recover herself! Who wouldn't wonder how she was going to do it all. She ALREADY WAS doing it all PLUS!!
While I was flying to Denver our mom was taken into emergency brain surgery to stop the brain from bleeding, and to remove clots that were putting pressure on her brain. My sister was busy making phone call after phone call and organizing everyone and everything, while sitting with Daddy (who has Alzheimer's). Mom is the main caregiver. My mom comes out of surgery and was put into ICU. The doctor came out and told Julie all was good, considering, and she was given a sedative so she'd rest, and she wouldn't be awake when they saw her. WRONG, mom was up and talking, trying to make everyone know she was ok! I got in late that night and Julie and I stayed the night at Mom and Daddy's house due to the fact that dad might get confused if he woke up to me being there and not Julie, plus, now I was bald and we weren't sure if he would recognize me. But the next morning, he did know me! While I stayed with daddy, Julie was busy handling everything else, and Mom was busy bossing all of us around from ICU telling us what to do and how to do it!! She even called me one morning from ICU to tell me what to do with daddy, and what to bring for him to the hospital......WHAT? Hahahahaha!! I threatened to have the phone disconnected if she didn't stop, and start resting! She would also send the nurse to the waiting room, where we would set up camp so she could rest, to get us because she missed her family! Hahahahaha, Mom do you realize you just had brain surgery and need to rest?!
Mom was released from the hospital Monday August 26th, just 5 days later! While mom was very exhausted and would sleep quiet a bit, it is amazing to see a woman in her 80s recovering the way she was, and still is!! I had to head back home to Phoenix on Tuesday the 27th. Julie moved in! Mom, while having been released from the hospital, would need 24/7 care and monitoring, till she was released from the doctors. Plus, due to the fact that she is the main care giver at the house due to daddy's Alzheimer's, (so the care was really for dad), and the monitoring was for mom.
Mom was allowed to go back to "life as usual" Wed. Sept. 11, after having 56 staples removed from her head! So now you know where my strength comes from. Did I mention Julie is my baby sister?!!! Two of the most amazing women I know, and VERY PROUD that they are my family! This is the reason I am strong, because of their example!
I will update you all very soon on my radiation adventures. Thanks for taking the time to read, and for all of your support! I tell the truth when I say, I love you all very much!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Surgery to Radiation
It has been a long time since I have written on this blog, and I feel it is way past time to update you all. So since you have been asking, here I go.....
I had my first surgery Thursday, July 11th. I was so excited about this day! My thoughts were FINALLY, chemo is done. I get to have that stupid port taken out, the "girls" are getting a makeover, and that blasted lump in my right breast will be taken out along with any cancerous lymph nodes (that started this whole party!!), and while I will hurt for a time, it is done! That was my mind set. So July 11th came, and a bunch of pre-op stuff was done before waiting in my little curtian walled waiting room before surgery. My fantastic husband Rick was there, along with my sister Julie, and a good friend Shauna. We were joking and laughing the whole time. Even our doctors and anesthesiologist got into the joking around! We were laughing so hard we were crying!! Plus, it is amazing what you hear from the beds next to you. People, those are only curtains are not real walls. For goodness sake, WE CAN HEAR YOU, and YES we are laughing at you! Hahahahahaha, then one of our "roommates" farted, and we just about came unglued with laughter!!!
Finally it was time to go back, and my "cocktail" was given to me....those are awesome! In surgery they removed the lump from my right breast and 6 lymph nodes, removed my port system, and reconstructed both breasts so that I would not have one so disfigured, due to the amount of tissue they ended up having to take out. I wake up several hours later in a fit of itching, and pain! They had given me morphine and my body did not like it at all, so they gave me something else, along with Benadryl, then they decided, with my complete consent, that I would stay the night. My sister stayed with me, on one of those "oh so comfortable" pull out chairs! For that alone, I owe her a debt of gratitude! The next morning I was ready to go home and got out of there around 1pm. "Awe, my own bed", is what you'd think I would be saying and thinking, but I actually missed the hospital bed because of the adjustability. Rick and Julie got me all settled, and propped on a bunch of pillows, and gave me my pain pills.
By that Sunday I was feeling pretty good, stiff,and sore, but pretty good considering. Monday I had my drain removed, and by Wednesday my sister had to fly back home. She lives in Denver. We still had not heard the final pathology report, so we were all thinking, no news is good news. Yeah. Don't ever think that when it comes to that bastard cancer! I got a call late Wednesday evening from Dr. Liu's cell. She told us the final pathology came back showing a total of 4 of the 6 lymph nodes taken out, showed micrometastases of 2 mm. We all made the decision to do a total dissection of the lymph node under the right arm. We wanted it all out!! So my second surgery was set for Monday, July 22nd. This news kicked me in the gut, and for the first time through my journey, I realized, I have cancer!! I know what you all are thinking, but I am blond, bald, and have chemo brain! That Monday came and it was not as fun and light hearted as it was the first time in the curtained waiting area. I was scared this time, and so was my Rick. Thank God that Shauna and my daughter Amber were able to be there for Rick in the other waiting room. That knowledge was a big comfort to me. My sister was not able to make it back for that fast turn around so it was great that they were there!! The pain was rough that day and they even had trouble getting an IV in. It hurt so bad, and I kept telling my sweet nurses I was sorry I was making it hard for them. They ended up having to numb my wrist area to get a line in. To make it even more challenging for them, I have very, very small veins. I guess I am a high maintenance patient! They were two great ladies and so very comforting. This time I came through recovery much better and home I went. By the time we got home, both my daughters, Ashley and Amber, were there with Rick and I to get me all settled.
So now I was to start the healing process all over again. I had another drain, and a pain pump hanging out of my right side just under my armpit. That was pretty, and comfortable let me tell you!! This has been a tough healing time. My left side is healed and only once in awhile is tender. My right side, because of 2 surgeries to that side, and the amount of work that was done, is still a ways out, and it has now been 4 weeks since surgery. I have what I call two armpits, it is a tendon that is pulled tight, and goes clear down to my wrist, causing me to have very limited mobility. Plus due to the removal of all the lymph nodes I have a bunch of nerve pain to the back of my arm. Sometimes it feel like a hot iron was put on the back of my arm. I am in the process of doing some exercises so I can straighten my arm and elbow area completely out. That has given me a deeper respect for people in physical therapy! Those people are amazing!!
I saw my Radiologist, on Aug. 19th to start that part of my journey. I will be doing 33 treatments of radiation, once a day for 5 days, for 33 treatments. About 7 weeks total. I hope to start that by the 28th of Aug. but, that will be determined if I can get my arm stretched out enough to get the arm above my head. So for now, that is where the journey is at, and I thank you all for asking. The concern and prayers of all of you have been awesome. I am so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of all of you!!
I had my first surgery Thursday, July 11th. I was so excited about this day! My thoughts were FINALLY, chemo is done. I get to have that stupid port taken out, the "girls" are getting a makeover, and that blasted lump in my right breast will be taken out along with any cancerous lymph nodes (that started this whole party!!), and while I will hurt for a time, it is done! That was my mind set. So July 11th came, and a bunch of pre-op stuff was done before waiting in my little curtian walled waiting room before surgery. My fantastic husband Rick was there, along with my sister Julie, and a good friend Shauna. We were joking and laughing the whole time. Even our doctors and anesthesiologist got into the joking around! We were laughing so hard we were crying!! Plus, it is amazing what you hear from the beds next to you. People, those are only curtains are not real walls. For goodness sake, WE CAN HEAR YOU, and YES we are laughing at you! Hahahahahaha, then one of our "roommates" farted, and we just about came unglued with laughter!!!
Finally it was time to go back, and my "cocktail" was given to me....those are awesome! In surgery they removed the lump from my right breast and 6 lymph nodes, removed my port system, and reconstructed both breasts so that I would not have one so disfigured, due to the amount of tissue they ended up having to take out. I wake up several hours later in a fit of itching, and pain! They had given me morphine and my body did not like it at all, so they gave me something else, along with Benadryl, then they decided, with my complete consent, that I would stay the night. My sister stayed with me, on one of those "oh so comfortable" pull out chairs! For that alone, I owe her a debt of gratitude! The next morning I was ready to go home and got out of there around 1pm. "Awe, my own bed", is what you'd think I would be saying and thinking, but I actually missed the hospital bed because of the adjustability. Rick and Julie got me all settled, and propped on a bunch of pillows, and gave me my pain pills.
By that Sunday I was feeling pretty good, stiff,and sore, but pretty good considering. Monday I had my drain removed, and by Wednesday my sister had to fly back home. She lives in Denver. We still had not heard the final pathology report, so we were all thinking, no news is good news. Yeah. Don't ever think that when it comes to that bastard cancer! I got a call late Wednesday evening from Dr. Liu's cell. She told us the final pathology came back showing a total of 4 of the 6 lymph nodes taken out, showed micrometastases of 2 mm. We all made the decision to do a total dissection of the lymph node under the right arm. We wanted it all out!! So my second surgery was set for Monday, July 22nd. This news kicked me in the gut, and for the first time through my journey, I realized, I have cancer!! I know what you all are thinking, but I am blond, bald, and have chemo brain! That Monday came and it was not as fun and light hearted as it was the first time in the curtained waiting area. I was scared this time, and so was my Rick. Thank God that Shauna and my daughter Amber were able to be there for Rick in the other waiting room. That knowledge was a big comfort to me. My sister was not able to make it back for that fast turn around so it was great that they were there!! The pain was rough that day and they even had trouble getting an IV in. It hurt so bad, and I kept telling my sweet nurses I was sorry I was making it hard for them. They ended up having to numb my wrist area to get a line in. To make it even more challenging for them, I have very, very small veins. I guess I am a high maintenance patient! They were two great ladies and so very comforting. This time I came through recovery much better and home I went. By the time we got home, both my daughters, Ashley and Amber, were there with Rick and I to get me all settled.
So now I was to start the healing process all over again. I had another drain, and a pain pump hanging out of my right side just under my armpit. That was pretty, and comfortable let me tell you!! This has been a tough healing time. My left side is healed and only once in awhile is tender. My right side, because of 2 surgeries to that side, and the amount of work that was done, is still a ways out, and it has now been 4 weeks since surgery. I have what I call two armpits, it is a tendon that is pulled tight, and goes clear down to my wrist, causing me to have very limited mobility. Plus due to the removal of all the lymph nodes I have a bunch of nerve pain to the back of my arm. Sometimes it feel like a hot iron was put on the back of my arm. I am in the process of doing some exercises so I can straighten my arm and elbow area completely out. That has given me a deeper respect for people in physical therapy! Those people are amazing!!
I saw my Radiologist, on Aug. 19th to start that part of my journey. I will be doing 33 treatments of radiation, once a day for 5 days, for 33 treatments. About 7 weeks total. I hope to start that by the 28th of Aug. but, that will be determined if I can get my arm stretched out enough to get the arm above my head. So for now, that is where the journey is at, and I thank you all for asking. The concern and prayers of all of you have been awesome. I am so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of all of you!!
Friday, July 19, 2013
No News Was Not So Good News
Well, between the time I wrote the last post and then posted it, Mary got a call from her Doctor that the Pathology Report came back showing more of the lymph nodes were cancerous which means that there is a high probability there are more nodes still in her that are cancerous as well. So, what that means for Mary is she has two choices. She can take her chances that Radiation would kill whatever is left, or she goes back in for more surgery to have the rest of the lymph nodes taken out. After talking with her Doctor, she is going the surgery route. There are just too many "chances" with the other choice. Needless to say, it's not the news she wanted, but she will get it done, and continue on. Just get the damn cancer out!
Surgery will either be today or Monday. Will update again next week.
Surgery will either be today or Monday. Will update again next week.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Fear the Fuzz!
Well, the last post left everyone hanging the night of her surgery. She had a good night. Very thankful they kept her in the hospital though.
As was expected, she has been very sore. Her Doctor warned us that under her arms would probably be the most sore, but told us she still needed to be up walking and raising her arms a bit as well. (of course, no lifting) She is extremely bruised! When she went back in on Monday to her Plastic Surgeon for that follow up visit, I think even her Doctor was a little surprised as to how bruised she was. She got her drain pulled out without any problem, and as of today, Wednesday, no calls from her Oncologist Surgeon regarding any pathology reports. I'm thinking no news is good news!
She is still hurting pretty bad, and she is thinking she should be feeling better by now. We have to keep reminding her that it hasn't even been a week since her surgery, and it was not just one but a few major procedures that she had. She will go back to her doctor for her post-op checkup on Friday, so hoping for all good news.
I'm so glad for the opportunity to be out here to help her. I'm heading back home tonight so I am hoping she will start to feel a little better for her second week. She can't be lifting anything for 6 weeks and by then she will be starting her Radiation. She has had a few good friends who have helped out so sweetly. I know it's hard for people to know how to help and believe me, it's hard for Mary to know what to tell anyone when they ask. It's not over for her yet, so I would like to give a few ideas for any of you who would say "if there is anything I can do....."
Dinners -Remember there are only two of them. Don't ask them for ideas, give them an idea and ask them if they would like it.
Gift cards to restaurants-Subway, Chick-Fil-et, Oreganos, etc.
House Cleaner or Pool Cleaner
Handwritten Card or Note-Yes, she has a cell phone that texts, emails, and facebooks, but there is nothing like the old fashioned snail mail
Happy Hour-IF Mary is having a good day and feels good, for anyone who knows her, you know there is not much she likes better than enjoying a good Happy Hour!
Oh yeah. The title of this post. Mary's hair is growing back!!! Just a little bit at this point, but if you look really close, in just the right light, you can see it. Very good news!
As was expected, she has been very sore. Her Doctor warned us that under her arms would probably be the most sore, but told us she still needed to be up walking and raising her arms a bit as well. (of course, no lifting) She is extremely bruised! When she went back in on Monday to her Plastic Surgeon for that follow up visit, I think even her Doctor was a little surprised as to how bruised she was. She got her drain pulled out without any problem, and as of today, Wednesday, no calls from her Oncologist Surgeon regarding any pathology reports. I'm thinking no news is good news!
She is still hurting pretty bad, and she is thinking she should be feeling better by now. We have to keep reminding her that it hasn't even been a week since her surgery, and it was not just one but a few major procedures that she had. She will go back to her doctor for her post-op checkup on Friday, so hoping for all good news.
I'm so glad for the opportunity to be out here to help her. I'm heading back home tonight so I am hoping she will start to feel a little better for her second week. She can't be lifting anything for 6 weeks and by then she will be starting her Radiation. She has had a few good friends who have helped out so sweetly. I know it's hard for people to know how to help and believe me, it's hard for Mary to know what to tell anyone when they ask. It's not over for her yet, so I would like to give a few ideas for any of you who would say "if there is anything I can do....."
Dinners -Remember there are only two of them. Don't ask them for ideas, give them an idea and ask them if they would like it.
Gift cards to restaurants-Subway, Chick-Fil-et, Oreganos, etc.
House Cleaner or Pool Cleaner
Handwritten Card or Note-Yes, she has a cell phone that texts, emails, and facebooks, but there is nothing like the old fashioned snail mail
Happy Hour-IF Mary is having a good day and feels good, for anyone who knows her, you know there is not much she likes better than enjoying a good Happy Hour!
Oh yeah. The title of this post. Mary's hair is growing back!!! Just a little bit at this point, but if you look really close, in just the right light, you can see it. Very good news!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Chapter 2
Wow, I can't believe it's been 1 1/2 months since we last posted anything. As you probably have guessed, Mary really hasn't felt like writing anything, so that is why she hasn't posted anything. As far as why I haven't, I guess I just haven't been sure what to post. Anyone who wanted to know what was going on with her either called or emailed her, so I figured I didn't need to post. However, I've been thinking that one of the main reasons we started doing this blog was so Mary could look back and remember how far she came from the beginning and when she thought she would never make it through some days. So, I will give a short update on the last three Chemo treatments for her to look back on, and for anyone who is still checking in on this blog.
There were good days and bad days through the last three treatments. Mostly they weren't great though. She had major bone pain and just felt like s?!*. She still has bad neuropathy in her hands and feet that the Docs are saying should go away eventually. Most days were spent going from the chair to the couch to the bed and back again. All very slowly. We were very excited the day of her last treatment. The nurses at the Treatment Center threw confetti and rang a bell in celebration. It was a good day!
Fast forward to today. 3 1/2 weeks later and Surgery Day. Mary was so ready for this day. Couldn't even sleep last night she was so excited. Oh yeah, maybe it was the hot flashes that kept waking her up. ;) The day started with an 8:30am check in at the hospital to get a radioactive dye shot in to mark the cancerous cells. Then the next appointment was to put a wire in to mark where the tumor was. Last it was the check in at the surgery center at 11:00, but we were a bit early at 10:30. We got her all signed in and then waited some more. Her good friend Shauna Souza came to hang out with me and Rick and to see Mary through the day. We all had some good laughs with Mary while we were waiting in the pre-op room. I bet all those other patients were a bit jealous that we weren't sitting with them! They probably didn't know what to do with all that quiet when they finally took her in and we had to go out to the Waiting Room. Her surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm but I think they finally took her back around 1:50pm. At about 4:15pm her surgeon came out with good news. Only two of the lymph nodes were cancerous. There was the one they already suspected with a lot, and there was another with a little. They took 6 total to send to pathology. Her surgeon feels if there is any cancer left in the lymph nodes, it is such a small amount that when she has radiation, it will kill it. She had to go pretty deep to get the lymph nodes, though, so Mary has a drain in and will probably be extra sore in that area. As for the tumor, she took a lump about the size of a half dollar coin to get clear margins. The great news was that she felt the tumor itself had shrunk about 90% from the size it was before Chemo. The lump will also be sent to pathology. The Plastic Surgeon came out around 5:00pm and said her part went well too. All looks good.
We waited and waited in the Waiting Room. Rick, me, and Mary's wonderful friend Shauna. They were supposed to come out and get us when she woke up in Recovery. Rick finally got a phone call from a nurse inside the recovery room a little before 7:00pm. They said they were having trouble controlling her pain, and she was having a bit of an allergic reaction to one of the pain meds. Itching horribly. They decided to keep her overnight instead of letting her go home. Finally got her moved up in to a room around 7:45pm. Her blood pressure spiked a bit as well after they moved her. (probably just because of being up) We were very happy they decided to keep her overnight. Better to be safe.
It's just after 9:00 now, and they have her all settled in. She is finally sleeping. I will get some sleep now too, and try to post another update in the next few days.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers!
We waited and waited in the Waiting Room. Rick, me, and Mary's wonderful friend Shauna. They were supposed to come out and get us when she woke up in Recovery. Rick finally got a phone call from a nurse inside the recovery room a little before 7:00pm. They said they were having trouble controlling her pain, and she was having a bit of an allergic reaction to one of the pain meds. Itching horribly. They decided to keep her overnight instead of letting her go home. Finally got her moved up in to a room around 7:45pm. Her blood pressure spiked a bit as well after they moved her. (probably just because of being up) We were very happy they decided to keep her overnight. Better to be safe.
It's just after 9:00 now, and they have her all settled in. She is finally sleeping. I will get some sleep now too, and try to post another update in the next few days.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Tough Weeks
Well, I am back "home" this week in Phoenix to help out at Mary and Rick's. I haven't been able to be here for a few weeks so I am glad to be back.
Her fifth treatment was on May 6th. This started a four week plan of a different type of Chemo called Taxol. As we mentioned in previous posts, this drug's side effects were not supposed to be as bad as the Adriamycin. Well, lets just say....they're different.
She received her treatment on Monday 5/6 and other than being a bit tired that afternoon, she was feeling okay. Tuesday came, and I called her that afternoon to check in because she goes in for her Neulasta (boosts her white blood cells) shots on Tuesdays. She was actually feeling pretty good and was on her way to WalMart to do some grocery shopping. I didn't talk to her until Wednesday morning, but found out she only made it for about 20 minutes in WalMart before needing to head back home. It hit her like a rock fell on her! Her body started hurting so badly and she got so tired, she just couldn't finish. Wednesday when I was talking to her, she said she felt a little better, so I thought the pain was going to be manageable. Thursday morning when I called she said she was still "sore" but it sounded like she was doing okay. Well, Rick called me that evening and asked if I had spoken to Mary. I said I had and asked what was up? He told me she had been hurting so bad the last couple of days that getting up off the couch was almost impossible without help, and that even walking down the hall was painful for her. I was so mad that she had downplayed how she was feeling and that I wasn't able to be here to help out that week! I think it was finally Saturday or Sunday when she started feeling a bit better.
So, I knew I needed to be here for this next treatment. I flew in early Monday morning 5/20. Amber picked me up from the Airport and drove me straight to Mary's Chemo appointment. I got there around 8:30am and Mary and Rick had been there since 8am. They were waiting for her lab results. Every Chemo day they have to check her bloodwork to make sure her numbers are good enough for her to receive her treatment that day. They had a delay with another patient so Mary's treatment started late, and by the time she got the "go ahead" I think it was around 9:30. Before the Taxol actually goes in, she receives doses of a couple other meds. (anti-nausea, and a heavy does of Benedryl) The Benedryl makes her very sleepy, and she does fall in and out of a kind of hazy sleep during her treatment. Imagine sleeping in a huge room, with bright fluorescent lights on, 10 other patients, and beeping and alarms going off every 20-30 minutes? (explains her "hazy" sleep) I think we got out of there around 1:30. The good news she received before leaving was that because her white blood count looked so good, she will be able to skip the Neulasta shot she would normally have on Tuesday. (We were hoping this would cut down on her bone/joint pain.) Monday afternoon Mary felt pretty good. She was a bit tired but fought taking a little snooze so she could sleep that night, but other than that, was able to enjoy having Amber and Bentley over for the afternoon.
Tuesday, started out as a good day. Amber came over with Bentley and Mary was feeling pretty good. She felt stiff here and there and did need a nap in the afternoon. A very good friend (SHAUNA) brought over a very much appreciated and a very good meal for dinner. Before bed she did start feeling more stiff and sore but made it to bed without any meds. About 3:30am Rick knocked on my door and said Mary was up sick and so was Roxy. (Roxy is their dog. She had been not feeling good for the last week.) He was needing to take Roxy to the 24Hour Vet and needed me to listen and take care of Mary. She was up and down a couple more times before Rick got back home around 5:30. Mary was back in bed finally in and out of sleep. Roxy was tuckered out from her Vet visit and the shots she got there. Rick and I were wide awake. :) Mary got up (very slowly) around 8:45 with pretty bad stomach issues and very bad bone pains in her knees, hips, and back.
We are thinking it is going to be a hard day, but hopeful this will be the worst and then start getting better. (for both her and Roxy) If you are following this, please keep her in your prayers this week as it's not only hard physically but also mentally on her. Also for Rick. We forget about the caregiver so often, and he has been amazing here for Mary. It's very stressful on both of them, but for Rick who loves her and can do nothing but what he thinks will help, and do it when he still has to work and do everything else that needs to be done, it's pretty tough.
Thanks everyone for caring, loving, and praying. (and for the occasional meal)
Her fifth treatment was on May 6th. This started a four week plan of a different type of Chemo called Taxol. As we mentioned in previous posts, this drug's side effects were not supposed to be as bad as the Adriamycin. Well, lets just say....they're different.
She received her treatment on Monday 5/6 and other than being a bit tired that afternoon, she was feeling okay. Tuesday came, and I called her that afternoon to check in because she goes in for her Neulasta (boosts her white blood cells) shots on Tuesdays. She was actually feeling pretty good and was on her way to WalMart to do some grocery shopping. I didn't talk to her until Wednesday morning, but found out she only made it for about 20 minutes in WalMart before needing to head back home. It hit her like a rock fell on her! Her body started hurting so badly and she got so tired, she just couldn't finish. Wednesday when I was talking to her, she said she felt a little better, so I thought the pain was going to be manageable. Thursday morning when I called she said she was still "sore" but it sounded like she was doing okay. Well, Rick called me that evening and asked if I had spoken to Mary. I said I had and asked what was up? He told me she had been hurting so bad the last couple of days that getting up off the couch was almost impossible without help, and that even walking down the hall was painful for her. I was so mad that she had downplayed how she was feeling and that I wasn't able to be here to help out that week! I think it was finally Saturday or Sunday when she started feeling a bit better.
So, I knew I needed to be here for this next treatment. I flew in early Monday morning 5/20. Amber picked me up from the Airport and drove me straight to Mary's Chemo appointment. I got there around 8:30am and Mary and Rick had been there since 8am. They were waiting for her lab results. Every Chemo day they have to check her bloodwork to make sure her numbers are good enough for her to receive her treatment that day. They had a delay with another patient so Mary's treatment started late, and by the time she got the "go ahead" I think it was around 9:30. Before the Taxol actually goes in, she receives doses of a couple other meds. (anti-nausea, and a heavy does of Benedryl) The Benedryl makes her very sleepy, and she does fall in and out of a kind of hazy sleep during her treatment. Imagine sleeping in a huge room, with bright fluorescent lights on, 10 other patients, and beeping and alarms going off every 20-30 minutes? (explains her "hazy" sleep) I think we got out of there around 1:30. The good news she received before leaving was that because her white blood count looked so good, she will be able to skip the Neulasta shot she would normally have on Tuesday. (We were hoping this would cut down on her bone/joint pain.) Monday afternoon Mary felt pretty good. She was a bit tired but fought taking a little snooze so she could sleep that night, but other than that, was able to enjoy having Amber and Bentley over for the afternoon.
Tuesday, started out as a good day. Amber came over with Bentley and Mary was feeling pretty good. She felt stiff here and there and did need a nap in the afternoon. A very good friend (SHAUNA) brought over a very much appreciated and a very good meal for dinner. Before bed she did start feeling more stiff and sore but made it to bed without any meds. About 3:30am Rick knocked on my door and said Mary was up sick and so was Roxy. (Roxy is their dog. She had been not feeling good for the last week.) He was needing to take Roxy to the 24Hour Vet and needed me to listen and take care of Mary. She was up and down a couple more times before Rick got back home around 5:30. Mary was back in bed finally in and out of sleep. Roxy was tuckered out from her Vet visit and the shots she got there. Rick and I were wide awake. :) Mary got up (very slowly) around 8:45 with pretty bad stomach issues and very bad bone pains in her knees, hips, and back.
We are thinking it is going to be a hard day, but hopeful this will be the worst and then start getting better. (for both her and Roxy) If you are following this, please keep her in your prayers this week as it's not only hard physically but also mentally on her. Also for Rick. We forget about the caregiver so often, and he has been amazing here for Mary. It's very stressful on both of them, but for Rick who loves her and can do nothing but what he thinks will help, and do it when he still has to work and do everything else that needs to be done, it's pretty tough.
Thanks everyone for caring, loving, and praying. (and for the occasional meal)
Sunday, May 5, 2013
4 More Treatments Left
It has been awhile since I have written, I have left it up to my sister, and what a great job she does!
The last 2 chemo treatments were not very easy by far! I was used to bouncing back the week after chemo and having at least one good week before having to think of it again and of being sick again for another week.
The week of my 3rd treatment, I was hit with such horrible acid reflux/indigestion, that I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before chemo. By the time I got to chemo I was a little scared that there was something really wrong with me! It felt like someone had reached inside and had a fist hold on my liver, and I could barley catch my breath! My biggest concern was, man they are going to send me to the hospital, this is going to be stretched out longer, and now I have liver problems....YEP, your mind can play some real mind games with you!! The Dr. came in to see me and he said that it was just acid reflux. I started chewing Tums like candy, and it helped a little. By the end of that week they put me on a Rx for all the GI issues and relief was then knocking at my door. By Sunday I was looking forward to my "good week". By Wednesday, I had given up that my "good week" would happen, and my good friend Tracy was coming into town Thur!!! By Thursday afternoon, I felt good enough to go out for a few hours, and then Friday and Saturday I rallied for a few hours each day. All I did was go to restaurants so I could SIT. Shoot, Sunday was just around the corner, and that meant my Monday chemo was knocking at my door. I felt robbed of having at least ONE good week before getting hit again!!
Sunday came and gave me a great day. Rick's sister came into town to babysit me for the week. She is always a blast to be around and is very helpful! Sunday was spent with Rick's family and laughing alot! Monday came knocking to quick! It is ALL mental, and that is sometimes the hardest thing to battle. While the 4th and last chemo of the "Red Devil" (and no she doesn't wear Prada!) came, I found that while this time I wasn't hit with all the bad GI and nausea problems that I had the time before, I was still very, very tired! I joke to Rick about what I do...Hey, I did two loads of laundry, ran the dishwarsher :o) , and took a shower. But then had to rest for 2 hours!! I have gone from doing 5 million things to, hey I got to do one outing today!!
Chemo is a "funny" thing.....Let me tell you some of the strange/funny/cruel things that go through my head....I am on very heavy duty steroids, to help with the nausea, and what is it that I am worried about? Weight!! Yep. At my age I don't want to put on anymore weight, and yet that is what steroids do! Don't judge, I know I am supposed to be fighting for my life, but, I am "fighting like a girl", and we girls care about that!! Chemo robs you of so many things, like, your hair! It takes the hair off my head, making it like a neon sign pointing at me that says, "she has cancer, nah nah nah!!", but I am still having to shave my legs!! WTH!!! You go out for an outing (as I call my time out of the house) feeling good, and WHAM, you get bitch slapped and just want to sit on the couch--NOW! Chemo has stolen my self confidence. It is very hard for me to go anywhere alone. As long as I have my "little support" group with me I am ok, but alone takes a HUGH mental prep just to go out the door. (refer back to the neon sign comment) Yes I have had times I have come close to throwing in the towel and putting a stop to all of this! I am tired of my family and friends seeing me weak, and I am unable to be there for things I should be. It sucks, but I will push on and pray to NEVER have to go through anything like this again!!
I will tell you this, people need to lay off Lance Armstrong. So the guy lied. Yada yada yada. I will tell you this, NO AMOUNT of performance drugs gave him the will to fight his cancer! That was all him, and his own will, and mind over matter, that comes from deep inside a person!!! So LIVESTRONG!
So, I leave you with it being a new Sunday, and tomorrow being the start of a new type of chemo. I have been told that these next 4 treatments are not as tough on the system as the last 4. So, as I close, I look forward to "easier" chemo days! I love you all, and can't thank you ALL enough for the support you have given to me and my family! WE STAND IN AWE OF ALL THE LOVE!!!
The last 2 chemo treatments were not very easy by far! I was used to bouncing back the week after chemo and having at least one good week before having to think of it again and of being sick again for another week.
The week of my 3rd treatment, I was hit with such horrible acid reflux/indigestion, that I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before chemo. By the time I got to chemo I was a little scared that there was something really wrong with me! It felt like someone had reached inside and had a fist hold on my liver, and I could barley catch my breath! My biggest concern was, man they are going to send me to the hospital, this is going to be stretched out longer, and now I have liver problems....YEP, your mind can play some real mind games with you!! The Dr. came in to see me and he said that it was just acid reflux. I started chewing Tums like candy, and it helped a little. By the end of that week they put me on a Rx for all the GI issues and relief was then knocking at my door. By Sunday I was looking forward to my "good week". By Wednesday, I had given up that my "good week" would happen, and my good friend Tracy was coming into town Thur!!! By Thursday afternoon, I felt good enough to go out for a few hours, and then Friday and Saturday I rallied for a few hours each day. All I did was go to restaurants so I could SIT. Shoot, Sunday was just around the corner, and that meant my Monday chemo was knocking at my door. I felt robbed of having at least ONE good week before getting hit again!!
Sunday came and gave me a great day. Rick's sister came into town to babysit me for the week. She is always a blast to be around and is very helpful! Sunday was spent with Rick's family and laughing alot! Monday came knocking to quick! It is ALL mental, and that is sometimes the hardest thing to battle. While the 4th and last chemo of the "Red Devil" (and no she doesn't wear Prada!) came, I found that while this time I wasn't hit with all the bad GI and nausea problems that I had the time before, I was still very, very tired! I joke to Rick about what I do...Hey, I did two loads of laundry, ran the dishwarsher :o) , and took a shower. But then had to rest for 2 hours!! I have gone from doing 5 million things to, hey I got to do one outing today!!
Chemo is a "funny" thing.....Let me tell you some of the strange/funny/cruel things that go through my head....I am on very heavy duty steroids, to help with the nausea, and what is it that I am worried about? Weight!! Yep. At my age I don't want to put on anymore weight, and yet that is what steroids do! Don't judge, I know I am supposed to be fighting for my life, but, I am "fighting like a girl", and we girls care about that!! Chemo robs you of so many things, like, your hair! It takes the hair off my head, making it like a neon sign pointing at me that says, "she has cancer, nah nah nah!!", but I am still having to shave my legs!! WTH!!! You go out for an outing (as I call my time out of the house) feeling good, and WHAM, you get bitch slapped and just want to sit on the couch--NOW! Chemo has stolen my self confidence. It is very hard for me to go anywhere alone. As long as I have my "little support" group with me I am ok, but alone takes a HUGH mental prep just to go out the door. (refer back to the neon sign comment) Yes I have had times I have come close to throwing in the towel and putting a stop to all of this! I am tired of my family and friends seeing me weak, and I am unable to be there for things I should be. It sucks, but I will push on and pray to NEVER have to go through anything like this again!!
I will tell you this, people need to lay off Lance Armstrong. So the guy lied. Yada yada yada. I will tell you this, NO AMOUNT of performance drugs gave him the will to fight his cancer! That was all him, and his own will, and mind over matter, that comes from deep inside a person!!! So LIVESTRONG!
So, I leave you with it being a new Sunday, and tomorrow being the start of a new type of chemo. I have been told that these next 4 treatments are not as tough on the system as the last 4. So, as I close, I look forward to "easier" chemo days! I love you all, and can't thank you ALL enough for the support you have given to me and my family! WE STAND IN AWE OF ALL THE LOVE!!!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Chemo #4 - Half Way There!
Well, last week (Mary's "off week") wasn't that great. Until about Thursday, she really didn't feel too good. Then, Thursday, just in time for her BFF to come in to town, she started to feel better. It was a wonderful break for her to get out and party with a long-time friend!
Monday, 4/22 was Mary's last Chemo treatment of the Adriamycin Cytoxan. She told me she was actually looking forward to this past Monday because she knew it was her last treatment of that one. Now that Mary is finished with this type of her Chemo, let me tell you a little bit about it since I don't think I ever did.
Adriamycin Cytoxan: is extremely toxic. It is a pinkish-red color. I don't think they call it "red death" and "red devil" for nothing. It is used to treat many forms of cancer, but can only be administered by a specially trained Chemotherapy Nurse in cap, gown, and gloves by injection. It can only be administered by hand into a vein not an artery. It can cause permanent heart damage or death, not to mention many serious side effects. It is so toxic, you can only have it for so many rounds once in a lifetime. When you have been given this type of chemo, they recommend you flush your toilet not once, but twice or three times with the lid down and to wash your hands for 45 seconds.
Yes, Mary lost her hair, she easily tired, had quite a bit of problems with heartburn, acid reflux, and some nausea, and she did have some body aches too. But, we are so thankful that there is a weapon against this horrible disease! She got through the first 4 treatments like a Trooper, and I know she will face the next 4 the same way.
So far, this week hasn't been too bad. Rick's sister, Beverly, was able to come to town to help out in case Mary needed anything this week. (Again, Mary and Rick are so blessed and grateful for good friends and family who are willing to help.) Mary has had the usual fatigue, but the other side effects haven't seemed to plague her too much as of yet. Next Monday, she will go in for her labwork and then on May 6th she is due to start her new type of Chemo which is the Taxol. There will be 4 rounds, every other week. This will bring a new set of side effects, but I know she will face them with as much courage as she did the first 4 rounds.
Monday, 4/22 was Mary's last Chemo treatment of the Adriamycin Cytoxan. She told me she was actually looking forward to this past Monday because she knew it was her last treatment of that one. Now that Mary is finished with this type of her Chemo, let me tell you a little bit about it since I don't think I ever did.
Adriamycin Cytoxan: is extremely toxic. It is a pinkish-red color. I don't think they call it "red death" and "red devil" for nothing. It is used to treat many forms of cancer, but can only be administered by a specially trained Chemotherapy Nurse in cap, gown, and gloves by injection. It can only be administered by hand into a vein not an artery. It can cause permanent heart damage or death, not to mention many serious side effects. It is so toxic, you can only have it for so many rounds once in a lifetime. When you have been given this type of chemo, they recommend you flush your toilet not once, but twice or three times with the lid down and to wash your hands for 45 seconds.
Yes, Mary lost her hair, she easily tired, had quite a bit of problems with heartburn, acid reflux, and some nausea, and she did have some body aches too. But, we are so thankful that there is a weapon against this horrible disease! She got through the first 4 treatments like a Trooper, and I know she will face the next 4 the same way.
So far, this week hasn't been too bad. Rick's sister, Beverly, was able to come to town to help out in case Mary needed anything this week. (Again, Mary and Rick are so blessed and grateful for good friends and family who are willing to help.) Mary has had the usual fatigue, but the other side effects haven't seemed to plague her too much as of yet. Next Monday, she will go in for her labwork and then on May 6th she is due to start her new type of Chemo which is the Taxol. There will be 4 rounds, every other week. This will bring a new set of side effects, but I know she will face them with as much courage as she did the first 4 rounds.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Chemo week #3
Sunday, 4/7 Mary had a good week off. I was thinking today how hard the Sundays before Chemo have to be for Mary. She is feeling so well, but knows what is in store for her in the week to come. She knows she has to get up tomorrow and start this new week not knowing how she is going to be feeling for the next 4, 5, or 6 days.
Monday, 4/8 Chemo Day. It was an early one today. Rick was off work and was able to go with her. They got the "corner office" for her treatment. (the best seat in the house) It went pretty much the same as the last treatment.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were rough days for her. (I got in to town on Tuesday.) She has been having an upset stomach and has been very tired needing a nap in the afternoon and going to bed early in the evening. Thursday night she did stay up a bit later, but her stomach still wasn't feeling great.
Friday she felt a bit better as far as her energy, but her stomach issues were still giving her problems. She finally decided to give the Doctor a call and see if there was something they could do. She got a new prescription so hopefully her upset stomach will be on the mend soon.
I was hoping by the end of the week she would be feeling like going for Happy Hour to our favorite patio, but she wasn't quite up to it. So, I decided to bring it to her. We had Kona Grill on her patio, complete with "faux-tinis" (water shaken with ice and lemon) sitting on her patio by her pool. The weather was awesome, and the food tasted great. It really was a "happy" hour.
Saturday, 4/13 Mary woke up feeling a bit better. Hoping today will be a good one for her. 5 days since Chemo and with the new meds for her stomach - I'm hoping she is making the turn for her good week.
I'm leaving to go home today and won't be able to come back for a few weeks. I hate not being here to help out around the house, but I know she will be in good hands while I can't be here. Rick is awesome. She has her BFF coming in to town next week to see her. Rick's sister is coming to stay for her Chemo week#4. She has so many people that care about her. She loves the cards, and she has gotten some beautiful flowers from good friends, too. All very much appreciated! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Keep the good thoughts coming, and don't forget to make her laugh. If you know Mary, laughter truly is the best medicine!
Monday, 4/8 Chemo Day. It was an early one today. Rick was off work and was able to go with her. They got the "corner office" for her treatment. (the best seat in the house) It went pretty much the same as the last treatment.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were rough days for her. (I got in to town on Tuesday.) She has been having an upset stomach and has been very tired needing a nap in the afternoon and going to bed early in the evening. Thursday night she did stay up a bit later, but her stomach still wasn't feeling great.
Friday she felt a bit better as far as her energy, but her stomach issues were still giving her problems. She finally decided to give the Doctor a call and see if there was something they could do. She got a new prescription so hopefully her upset stomach will be on the mend soon.
I was hoping by the end of the week she would be feeling like going for Happy Hour to our favorite patio, but she wasn't quite up to it. So, I decided to bring it to her. We had Kona Grill on her patio, complete with "faux-tinis" (water shaken with ice and lemon) sitting on her patio by her pool. The weather was awesome, and the food tasted great. It really was a "happy" hour.
Saturday, 4/13 Mary woke up feeling a bit better. Hoping today will be a good one for her. 5 days since Chemo and with the new meds for her stomach - I'm hoping she is making the turn for her good week.
I'm leaving to go home today and won't be able to come back for a few weeks. I hate not being here to help out around the house, but I know she will be in good hands while I can't be here. Rick is awesome. She has her BFF coming in to town next week to see her. Rick's sister is coming to stay for her Chemo week#4. She has so many people that care about her. She loves the cards, and she has gotten some beautiful flowers from good friends, too. All very much appreciated! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Keep the good thoughts coming, and don't forget to make her laugh. If you know Mary, laughter truly is the best medicine!
Friday, April 5, 2013
It's All Fun and Games, 'Til...
It's All Fun and Games, 'Til... the Morning Light Shows You Bald!
I woke up on Saturday morning took a hard tug at my hair, and it stayed intact, so on I went with the morning! I went in and took a shower and after washing my hair, I comb my hair out only to find large amounts of hair in the comb. DAMN IT!! Now I know, you are really going to snatch me bald headed you STUPID CANCER, and I was AMAZED that I was ok and not a blubbering wreck!! So late Saturday evening we decided to shave our heads. We had a bridal shower to go to on Sunday and Sangria to make and get to the party. I couldn't stand the thought of clumps of hair falling out at the party!! Well, Julie is correct. It took a shot of Tequila and several wine breaks for me to get through the head shaving. Don't judge! If you know my sister and I, we turned it into a party, and laughed so hard sometimes we thought we would pee our pants!! Julie went first, being the brave sister cheering me on, and letting me know I could do it too. As I was shaving her head, I of course, put her in a mohawk cause I could and it was funny! As she is shaving my head I hear her yell, "and this is for punching me when we were little, and this is for.....!!" It took me a minute to realize my poor sister had alot of pent up anger at me, LOL LOL!! She no longer needs therapy for her childhood issues. Who knew? LOL!!
Sunday morning comes along and we both walk out to the kitchen and just hug each other and cry! It doesn't matter that the hair will grow back. THIS SUCKS ALOT!!! We now had labels on us, and we felt naked. Going to the bridal shower was not an option anymore. Just couldn't do it. Even with a wig! This was not the place or time to debut the bald head!! I felt naked outside of the comforts of the bald home. Ashley, my oldest daughter had to go and take the Sangria and do the party thing alone. Not easy for an introvert, but she did it for me, and our friends. You bastard cancer you steal so much from people...YOU ARE GOING DOWN! This day I did have a full blown melt down that shocked even me. Thank God my sister was there!
Monday came and it was chemo day. This time I didn't feel so good after, but that is just the roller coaster of chemo. Just about the time you think your doing good and can do a little chore, it bitch slaps you back onto the couch! That is ok. It is still better than pregnancy!! The chemo fatigues me, makes me nauseous, and my taste buds don't like the taste of anything, but I have not yet had any vomiting, and they say I won't with the drugs I am on.
The journey I am on is one that is very humbling. I made the following post on my Facebook page, and feel it bears repeating.....
Your thought for the day (NO I did not come up with this myself)
If we all threw our problems in a pile, and got a look at everyone else's, we'd fight like hell to get back our own!
Sitting in a chair having chemo next to others, makes me feel so very blessed for the cancer I have. Mine is much easier than some of my "seat" mates!
As I see the things I see, I am thankful that I get to only have breast cancer! I do not mean that in any disrespect, or make it less than what it is, but for me, there are other that have it so much worse. I will take my path. The path that God is allowing me to go on. I will take it with pride, and humility, and with LOTS of LAUGHTER!
To all of you that take a second to think of me, and my great family, I thank you. Your support, whether in word, thought, or deed, is held dear to my heart, I love you all, and thank you for joining us on this journey. BITE IT CANCER!!!!
I woke up on Saturday morning took a hard tug at my hair, and it stayed intact, so on I went with the morning! I went in and took a shower and after washing my hair, I comb my hair out only to find large amounts of hair in the comb. DAMN IT!! Now I know, you are really going to snatch me bald headed you STUPID CANCER, and I was AMAZED that I was ok and not a blubbering wreck!! So late Saturday evening we decided to shave our heads. We had a bridal shower to go to on Sunday and Sangria to make and get to the party. I couldn't stand the thought of clumps of hair falling out at the party!! Well, Julie is correct. It took a shot of Tequila and several wine breaks for me to get through the head shaving. Don't judge! If you know my sister and I, we turned it into a party, and laughed so hard sometimes we thought we would pee our pants!! Julie went first, being the brave sister cheering me on, and letting me know I could do it too. As I was shaving her head, I of course, put her in a mohawk cause I could and it was funny! As she is shaving my head I hear her yell, "and this is for punching me when we were little, and this is for.....!!" It took me a minute to realize my poor sister had alot of pent up anger at me, LOL LOL!! She no longer needs therapy for her childhood issues. Who knew? LOL!!
Sunday morning comes along and we both walk out to the kitchen and just hug each other and cry! It doesn't matter that the hair will grow back. THIS SUCKS ALOT!!! We now had labels on us, and we felt naked. Going to the bridal shower was not an option anymore. Just couldn't do it. Even with a wig! This was not the place or time to debut the bald head!! I felt naked outside of the comforts of the bald home. Ashley, my oldest daughter had to go and take the Sangria and do the party thing alone. Not easy for an introvert, but she did it for me, and our friends. You bastard cancer you steal so much from people...YOU ARE GOING DOWN! This day I did have a full blown melt down that shocked even me. Thank God my sister was there!
Monday came and it was chemo day. This time I didn't feel so good after, but that is just the roller coaster of chemo. Just about the time you think your doing good and can do a little chore, it bitch slaps you back onto the couch! That is ok. It is still better than pregnancy!! The chemo fatigues me, makes me nauseous, and my taste buds don't like the taste of anything, but I have not yet had any vomiting, and they say I won't with the drugs I am on.
The journey I am on is one that is very humbling. I made the following post on my Facebook page, and feel it bears repeating.....
Your thought for the day (NO I did not come up with this myself)
If we all threw our problems in a pile, and got a look at everyone else's, we'd fight like hell to get back our own!
Sitting in a chair having chemo next to others, makes me feel so very blessed for the cancer I have. Mine is much easier than some of my "seat" mates!
As I see the things I see, I am thankful that I get to only have breast cancer! I do not mean that in any disrespect, or make it less than what it is, but for me, there are other that have it so much worse. I will take my path. The path that God is allowing me to go on. I will take it with pride, and humility, and with LOTS of LAUGHTER!
To all of you that take a second to think of me, and my great family, I thank you. Your support, whether in word, thought, or deed, is held dear to my heart, I love you all, and thank you for joining us on this journey. BITE IT CANCER!!!!
Monday, April 1, 2013
End of Week #2
Well, week #2 of Chemo was a bit harder on Mary than the first week was. She did pretty good Monday afternoon and Tuesday wasn't too bad, but the fatigue set in on Wednesday and really didn't leave. I left on Wednesday, so I tried to keep up by phone calls with how she was feeling, but that was kind of hard. She was a bit nauseous in the mornings on both Thursday and Friday, but was able to control it with extra meds and getting a little bit of food down. She didn't have too much trouble with the body aches this week. She kept on top of that with the Aleve and the Claritin. (thanks to her Dr's advice and my friend Beth's reinforcement)
We are hoping her "off week" will be a good one. She had a pretty good Easter yesterday. Rick's folks were there and fixed a nice Easter dinner for them. A day for renewal and hope.
We are hoping her "off week" will be a good one. She had a pretty good Easter yesterday. Rick's folks were there and fixed a nice Easter dinner for them. A day for renewal and hope.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Chemo #2
Monday, 3/25/13 Mary had her second Chemo treatment today. Three hours in the Pinnacle Oncologist chair. It wasn't as easy going as the first one. When the Cytoxan was being administered, she said she was getting a funny taste in her mouth. As it kept going, her sinuses were getting stuffy, and the nurse told her that was normal, and that she would feel as if she had swallowed ocean water and gotten it up her nose. YUK! No real nausea, but just some fuzzyiness in her head and vision. While we were sitting there, we were still joking and talking. One thing we noticed were the other patients who were also receiving their Chemo. There are about 10 patients who are there at the same time. You never know what types of Cancer people might have, but some were pretty clear. There were elderly patients and one who was pretty young. I have just finished reading the book God Never Blinks. One of the chapters is titled "If we all threw our problems in a pile, and got a look at everyone else's, we'd all fight to get back our own!" We are really grateful that Mary's Cancer is treatable and that it isn't any worse than it is. It puts things in perspective pretty quickly when you are watching some of the other patients.
She was kind of exhausted the rest of the day. Not the kind of tired where she needed to take a nap, but just felt blah. Besides the obvious of all the toxins/meds they are putting into her body that are making her feel that way, I think a lot of it is mental exhaustion too. She had felt so good for the last 4-5 days and knew what this week was going to hold, so she was running around trying to get so much done. She also was thinking a lot about today and how she was going to be feeling, and what she should expect, and wondering if it would be different from last week. Psyching herself up. So, when the appointment was over, I think she was just "done".
We will see what tomorrow brings. She will have the Neulasta shot to boost her white blood cells. They have been really low, so hopefully this week, the shot will kick in and give her a little boost. However, we know, if it "kicks" in, she may feel like she actually got kicked. I guess that is what this whole Chemo thing is all about. You take the medicine, which makes you feel like crap, because you know that it is what is taking care of the disease inside of you so that eventually you will be free of the disease.
She was kind of exhausted the rest of the day. Not the kind of tired where she needed to take a nap, but just felt blah. Besides the obvious of all the toxins/meds they are putting into her body that are making her feel that way, I think a lot of it is mental exhaustion too. She had felt so good for the last 4-5 days and knew what this week was going to hold, so she was running around trying to get so much done. She also was thinking a lot about today and how she was going to be feeling, and what she should expect, and wondering if it would be different from last week. Psyching herself up. So, when the appointment was over, I think she was just "done".
We will see what tomorrow brings. She will have the Neulasta shot to boost her white blood cells. They have been really low, so hopefully this week, the shot will kick in and give her a little boost. However, we know, if it "kicks" in, she may feel like she actually got kicked. I guess that is what this whole Chemo thing is all about. You take the medicine, which makes you feel like crap, because you know that it is what is taking care of the disease inside of you so that eventually you will be free of the disease.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
The Light of Day
Today has been a long day. Lets just say that the new day sheds a different light on things.
Looking in the mirror was tough this morning. We weren't seeing who we thought we were supposed to be seeing. It took most of the day, some tears, jokes, laughs, more tears, and finally showers and makeup to get us comfortable in our own "skin".
Mary opened up the mail from the past couple of days and received a few wonderful cards from some very good friends. I can't tell you how encouraging the written words are! Rick brought home a beautiful Coach scarf the girls at work gave Mary. The continuing texts, emails, FB posts, and notes are so much appreciated!
Tonight we took some fun pictures with our wigs. Maybe we will feel good enough to post them in "the light of tomorrow".
Looking in the mirror was tough this morning. We weren't seeing who we thought we were supposed to be seeing. It took most of the day, some tears, jokes, laughs, more tears, and finally showers and makeup to get us comfortable in our own "skin".
Mary opened up the mail from the past couple of days and received a few wonderful cards from some very good friends. I can't tell you how encouraging the written words are! Rick brought home a beautiful Coach scarf the girls at work gave Mary. The continuing texts, emails, FB posts, and notes are so much appreciated!
Tonight we took some fun pictures with our wigs. Maybe we will feel good enough to post them in "the light of tomorrow".
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Saturday, 3/23/13 We were planning another great day, but there has been an elephant in the room since I've gotten here on Thursday. We knew Mary's hair was going to be falling out any day. We've just been waiting.
I went to the gym and then needed to get some groceries for some Sangria Mary needed to make for a wedding shower on Sunday. I got a text from Rick while I was at the grocery store that it had started. I was ticked that I wasn't at home when it was happening. Thank goodness Rick was with her. He had Mary shave his head last night. What a wonderful husband and support he has been!
When I got home I saw Mary and she looked fine. I guess I expected to see her with a bunch of patches of hair missing or something. Also thought to find her a blubbering mess. Nope. Ashley (her daughter) was over, and Mary was in as good a mood as she was when I left that morning, and other than telling me that it had started, she acted like nothing was wrong. CRAZY!!!
When I got home I saw Mary and she looked fine. I guess I expected to see her with a bunch of patches of hair missing or something. Also thought to find her a blubbering mess. Nope. Ashley (her daughter) was over, and Mary was in as good a mood as she was when I left that morning, and other than telling me that it had started, she acted like nothing was wrong. CRAZY!!!
Well, it continued slowly throughout the afternoon, but we still had a fun, crazy afternoon. We made Sangria, made a music video, and laughed and danced in the kitchen most of the afternoon. We had a blast.
After dinner, when Ashley left and Rick went to bed, we got down to business. It was time. I went first. It was much easier for me because I know my hair is going to be growing back soon and I am doing it on my own terms. Cutting my pony tail off really was like cutting off a horses tail!
Then it was Mary's turn. This one took a glass of wine and a shot of tequila. It can't be easy when you know you are doing it just because the stupid Cancer is making you do it and you don't know when it is going to grow back. I was hoping that, by my going first, it would have made it easier for her. I don't think anything could make this easy for her! It just plain sucks for her. But, we got it done. She had a couple wine breaks, and we were done. She has a beautiful oval head with no "divits" in it. :)
We saved our pony tails in a baggie just like our mom did when she gave us our first hair cuts when we were little girls.
My hair will grow back quick. Mary has a long road ahead. But I am so excited to see how that beautiful head of blonde hair is going to grow back. Will it be thick? Will it be curly? Will it be straight?
We are one day closer to her hair growing back.
Good Days
3/21/13 I got into town finally on Thursday afternoon. Mary was doing great! We even made it to our favorite place for happy hour with some very good friends. We had a really fun first day.
3/22/13 Mary and I went and shopped for wigs. We found (what I think is) the perfect wig for Mary. It really looks pretty close to what her hair looks like naturally. Pretty amazing. It was quite a bit harder for her to pick one out than she thought though. It was a pretty intense process mentally. For someone who has never really colored their hair, or changed their hairstyle too much to start putting on all of these different styles and shades of blonde hair on their head to see what looks good was quite a process. It was easy for me to see what looked right on her, but it was hard for Mary to see which one was the right one for her. On the way home she said something out of the blue that I thought was pretty interesting. She said "If God would grant me a gift, I would ask to see myself as other people see me." I said "Wow, that's pretty deep!" and we laughed. But she was making the point that she just couldn't see what I was seeing when she was trying on the wigs and I knew which one was the one and she didn't. It really made me think, though, that we need to listen to what people (at least our really good friends) are saying to us when they are encouraging us and talking to us. Because we need to remember that they are seeing us like they see us, not like we see ourselves. Whether it be good or bad sometimes.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
One week down, 15 to go!
Ok so I thought it was time for me to make a post. I am not nearly as articulate as my sister but I will try. She is the writer in the family, I was always the comedian! Last week was not a fun week, but not unbearable either. I was sitting one day, I will not share with you where, and it hit me, Mary, with both of you or your girl's pregnancies, you were sick for 9 MONTHS 24/7! During that time in my life I was throwing up and nauseated the WHOLE time! So, I decided that if this is what I have for the next 16 weeks of chemo, this is cake!! I CAN DO THIS!!
Last week I was not social at all. It was hard to answer texts/calls, but they were all greatly appreciated! I had two of the worlds best "babysitters". My sister Julie, and my adorably caring husband Rick. Then, at the end of each day, Ashley, my oldest would stop in to check on ole mom. Amber, my youngest who lives in OR, of course was busy texting me constantly with pictures of my sweet grandson! Did I mention he is the greatest and cutest little thing in the world!
So we are at 1 week down. This week is shaping up to be a good week. I even made it out of the house 2 days in a row for outings!! Scoff if you must, but THIS was a big deal, hahahaha! After speaking to Dr. Kato on Monday, I realized, I am really sick! He showed me my white blood counts and they are down there! The Neulasta shot they gave me last week had not kicked in yet as of Monday, but he said that is normal and it should be any time. I Guess I really do need to be careful who/what/where, I do and go. A simple cold could send me down a path that would suck! We have become a "clean" home, Howard Hughes would be proud!
So one week down, 15 to go, and it seems that the week of chemo is my down week, and then the week after I have strength, and feel good. That is still better than pregnancy!!
P.S. I loved all the name ideas you sick crazy people had! This is why we are friends!!! ;o)
Love, and missing my hugs from you all, Mary
Last week I was not social at all. It was hard to answer texts/calls, but they were all greatly appreciated! I had two of the worlds best "babysitters". My sister Julie, and my adorably caring husband Rick. Then, at the end of each day, Ashley, my oldest would stop in to check on ole mom. Amber, my youngest who lives in OR, of course was busy texting me constantly with pictures of my sweet grandson! Did I mention he is the greatest and cutest little thing in the world!
So we are at 1 week down. This week is shaping up to be a good week. I even made it out of the house 2 days in a row for outings!! Scoff if you must, but THIS was a big deal, hahahaha! After speaking to Dr. Kato on Monday, I realized, I am really sick! He showed me my white blood counts and they are down there! The Neulasta shot they gave me last week had not kicked in yet as of Monday, but he said that is normal and it should be any time. I Guess I really do need to be careful who/what/where, I do and go. A simple cold could send me down a path that would suck! We have become a "clean" home, Howard Hughes would be proud!
So one week down, 15 to go, and it seems that the week of chemo is my down week, and then the week after I have strength, and feel good. That is still better than pregnancy!!
P.S. I loved all the name ideas you sick crazy people had! This is why we are friends!!! ;o)
Love, and missing my hugs from you all, Mary
Saturday, March 16, 2013
End of Week #1
Well, I'm back at home so I had to check in with Mary yesterday afternoon and today by phone. Yesterday (Friday), the Aleve did take the edge off the body aches after a while. Her and Rick actually went out and took a walk half way down the block and back during the afternoon which I think did her alot of good.
This morning when I checked in, she was doing pretty good. She is learning to be in tune with her body as far as what she is eating/drinking and when she needs to eat and drink so she doesn't get nauseous from having an empty stomach or drinking or eating something that wasn't good for her. She's still feeling some body aches but trying to stay on top of the Aleve meds to take care of that.
It's crazy, because in the middle of the week when we thought things would be the worst for her, it wasn't too bad. Those were the days that we stayed around the house kind of waiting for something to happen or to see how she was going to be that day. Like we were waiting for the "other shoe to drop". I think it's going to be a process to learn what her patterns are going to be (if there are such things) so she still feels like she can be out and about a little bit when she feels up to it.
Hoping next week, her "down week" will be a better week for her. She will have just one Doctor appointment to check her labs, but hopefully won't have to take any meds.
I'll be doing another update in a couple of days. I know Mary would like to write, talk, or text all of you personally, but she has so many wonderful friends that are checking in, this seems to be a great way to get updates out to everyone right now.
This morning when I checked in, she was doing pretty good. She is learning to be in tune with her body as far as what she is eating/drinking and when she needs to eat and drink so she doesn't get nauseous from having an empty stomach or drinking or eating something that wasn't good for her. She's still feeling some body aches but trying to stay on top of the Aleve meds to take care of that.
It's crazy, because in the middle of the week when we thought things would be the worst for her, it wasn't too bad. Those were the days that we stayed around the house kind of waiting for something to happen or to see how she was going to be that day. Like we were waiting for the "other shoe to drop". I think it's going to be a process to learn what her patterns are going to be (if there are such things) so she still feels like she can be out and about a little bit when she feels up to it.
Hoping next week, her "down week" will be a better week for her. She will have just one Doctor appointment to check her labs, but hopefully won't have to take any meds.
I'll be doing another update in a couple of days. I know Mary would like to write, talk, or text all of you personally, but she has so many wonderful friends that are checking in, this seems to be a great way to get updates out to everyone right now.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Chemo Week #1
Monday, March 11, 2013
First Chemo Treatment. She will have these at the Oncologist's office. It's a large, bright, sunny room in a wonderful Doctor's office where all the office staff, nurses, and Doctors treat you like family and they've known you for years. But....then there are the chairs and the IV poles. It all got real this morning for her. She said when they put the first IV in, it felt like someone punched her in the gut. Her Chemo drugs are Cytoxin and Adriamycin (the Red Devil). She arrived at 8:30am and was done at 11:30am. Other than being mentally exhausted, she felt fine on Monday. She and Rick had a good day on Monday.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I got in to Phoenix early this morning. Rick picked me up and when we got to the house, it was soooo good to see Mary. She was a bit hyped up from the steroid she is taking. We got ready to go back to the Oncologist office today for Mary to get her shot of Neulasta which will help boost her white blood cell count. It was a pretty quick appointment with one of the nurses, and then Mary took me down the hall to show me where she got her Chemo Treatment. I totally understand why she felt it got real when she was there and felt like someone punched her in the gut. It is very overwhelming to be in that room.
When we left, Mary was feeling pretty good so we went and did a couple errands and went out to lunch before going back home. She was doing really good until about 3:30 and then she started feeling pretty tired. It was an early night to bed for her, but a restless night.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Another good morning. We just hung out around the house. 3:30 seems to be the the magic time this week. She started to feel tired and a little nauseous. She took some nausea medicine and took a short nap. She felt better when she woke up but still tired. She is trying to push through the tiredness.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Good morning. No meds today. Hoping that means this is the start of her feeling better for the rest of this week and next. She is a little tired this afternoon. Trying to make sure she eats every few hours and that seems to help with her nausea.
Well, most of the day was good. However, at about 6:00 she started getting an aching feeling in her neck and started feeling pretty tired. Headed to bed early around 7:30 tonight.
Friday, March 15, 2013
She woke up early this morning with her upper body aching pretty bad. Took an Aleve, Claritin, and anti-nausea med to hopefully get her to feeling better.
I'm leaving to head back home for a few days, so hoping she will be feeling better while I am gone. Thankful Rick is so good at taking care of her too!
First Chemo Treatment. She will have these at the Oncologist's office. It's a large, bright, sunny room in a wonderful Doctor's office where all the office staff, nurses, and Doctors treat you like family and they've known you for years. But....then there are the chairs and the IV poles. It all got real this morning for her. She said when they put the first IV in, it felt like someone punched her in the gut. Her Chemo drugs are Cytoxin and Adriamycin (the Red Devil). She arrived at 8:30am and was done at 11:30am. Other than being mentally exhausted, she felt fine on Monday. She and Rick had a good day on Monday.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I got in to Phoenix early this morning. Rick picked me up and when we got to the house, it was soooo good to see Mary. She was a bit hyped up from the steroid she is taking. We got ready to go back to the Oncologist office today for Mary to get her shot of Neulasta which will help boost her white blood cell count. It was a pretty quick appointment with one of the nurses, and then Mary took me down the hall to show me where she got her Chemo Treatment. I totally understand why she felt it got real when she was there and felt like someone punched her in the gut. It is very overwhelming to be in that room.
When we left, Mary was feeling pretty good so we went and did a couple errands and went out to lunch before going back home. She was doing really good until about 3:30 and then she started feeling pretty tired. It was an early night to bed for her, but a restless night.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Another good morning. We just hung out around the house. 3:30 seems to be the the magic time this week. She started to feel tired and a little nauseous. She took some nausea medicine and took a short nap. She felt better when she woke up but still tired. She is trying to push through the tiredness.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Good morning. No meds today. Hoping that means this is the start of her feeling better for the rest of this week and next. She is a little tired this afternoon. Trying to make sure she eats every few hours and that seems to help with her nausea.
Well, most of the day was good. However, at about 6:00 she started getting an aching feeling in her neck and started feeling pretty tired. Headed to bed early around 7:30 tonight.
Friday, March 15, 2013
She woke up early this morning with her upper body aching pretty bad. Took an Aleve, Claritin, and anti-nausea med to hopefully get her to feeling better.
I'm leaving to head back home for a few days, so hoping she will be feeling better while I am gone. Thankful Rick is so good at taking care of her too!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Day Before #1
Sunday, March 10, 2013 I got home from Mexico and called Mary to see how she was handling everything. She and Rick were hanging out at home, and Mary was doing her best to de-stress and relax. For those of you who know Mary, you know that involved some wine! She was in good spirits and ready for Monday, but very anxious. I know my sister can beat this, but the one thing that is going to be the toughest for her that we talked about is losing her hair. That will be, by far, the worst side effect for Mary to go through and it will just plain suck! We will get her through it though, and find ways to laugh and have fun doing it.
Diagnosis
January 30, 2013
Mary received a call from her OB-Gyn, Dr. JulieAnn Heathcott that the results from her Annual Mammogram and the follow-up biopsy that they asked she have done came back positive for cancer.
The "C" word. Yeah, it's only Breast Cancer and so many women have had it and fought it, but when you hear that you have it, it's pretty overwhelming and devastating.
She was referred to her Breast Surgeon, Dr Linda Liu.
February 6, 2013
Visit with Dr. Liu. She went over the mammogram x-rays with Rick, Mary, and me. At that point she told us that the tumor itself was a Her2positive tumor. She said that the type of tumor it is, is the best and easiest type to treat. Everything we heard about the tumor was very positive. There was a lymph node showing on the x-ray that looked very suspicious and when they did the biopsy, it came back clean. However, because of the looks of it, Dr. Liu suspected they missed the node when they did the biopsy so she ordered a MRI. She also had Mary do a BRCA test which is a test to see if she has the breast cancer gene.
February 15, 2013 This week she received the results of the BRCA test which came back negative. The MRI that was to re-look at the lymph node came back inconclusive.
The assumed treatment plan at this point would be, surgery (a lumpectomy) with a sentinal node biopsy, radiation, and chemo being a possibility depending on what they find with the node biopsy during surgery.
February 25, 2013 Mary and Rick met with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr, Luci Chen, to go over her Radiation options. They were 1 per day for a week or 5 a week for 6 weeks. This would be after surgery.
February 25, 2013 Dr. Liu's assistant called to schedule surgery. Surgery scheduled for March 22nd. Mary told her that Dr. Liu wanted them to meet with the Oncologist before scheduling surgery.
February 28, 2013 Mary and Rick met with Dr. Gerry Kato, Oncologist. They were told that surgery would not be scheduled. Mary would be having Chemo first due to the fact that the lymph node was definitely cancerous.
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