4 More Treatments Left

It has been awhile since I have written, I have left it up to my sister, and what a great job she does!

The last 2 chemo treatments were not very easy by far!  I was used to bouncing back the week after chemo and having at least one good week before having to think of it again and of being sick again for another week.  

The week of my 3rd treatment, I was hit with such horrible acid reflux/indigestion, that I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before chemo.  By the time I got to chemo I was a little scared that there was something really wrong with me!  It felt like someone had reached inside and had a fist hold on my liver, and I could barley catch my breath!  My biggest concern was, man they are going to send me to the hospital, this is going to be stretched out longer, and now I have liver problems....YEP, your mind can play some real mind games with you!!  The Dr. came in to see me and he said that it was just acid reflux.  I started chewing Tums like candy, and it helped a little.  By the end of that week they put me on a Rx for all the GI issues and relief was then knocking at my door.  By Sunday I was looking forward to my "good week".  By Wednesday, I had given up that my "good week" would happen, and my good friend Tracy was coming into town Thur!!!  By Thursday afternoon, I felt good enough to go out for a few hours, and then Friday and Saturday I rallied for a few hours each day.  All I did was go to restaurants so I could SIT.  Shoot, Sunday was just around the corner, and that meant my Monday chemo was knocking at my door. I felt robbed of having at least ONE good week before getting hit again!! 

Sunday came and gave me a great day.  Rick's sister came into town to babysit me for the week.  She is always a blast to be around and is very helpful!  Sunday was spent with Rick's family and laughing alot!  Monday came knocking to quick!  It is ALL mental, and that is sometimes the hardest thing to battle.  While the 4th and last chemo of the "Red Devil" (and no she doesn't wear Prada!) came, I found that while this time I wasn't hit with all the bad GI and nausea problems that I had the time before, I was still very, very tired!  I joke to Rick about what I do...Hey, I did two loads of laundry, ran the dishwarsher :o) , and took a shower.  But then had to rest for 2 hours!!  I have gone from doing 5 million things to, hey I got to do one outing today!!

Chemo is a "funny" thing.....Let me tell you some of the strange/funny/cruel things that go through my head....I am on very heavy duty steroids, to help with the nausea, and what is it that I am worried about?  Weight!! Yep.  At my age I don't want to put on anymore weight, and yet that is what steroids do!  Don't judge, I know I am supposed to be fighting for my life, but, I am "fighting like a girl", and we girls care about that!!  Chemo robs you of so many things, like, your hair!  It takes the hair off my head, making it like a neon sign pointing at me that says, "she has cancer, nah nah nah!!", but I am still having to shave my legs!!  WTH!!!  You go out for an outing (as I call my time out of the house) feeling good, and WHAM, you get bitch slapped and just want to sit on the couch--NOW!  Chemo has stolen my self confidence.  It is very hard for me to go anywhere alone.  As long as I have my "little support" group with me I am ok, but alone takes a HUGH mental prep just to go out the door.  (refer back to the neon sign comment)  Yes I have had times I have come close to throwing in the towel and putting a stop to all of this!  I am tired of my family and friends seeing me weak, and I am unable to be there for things I should be.  It sucks, but I will push on and pray to NEVER have to go through anything like this again!! 

I will tell you this, people need to lay off Lance Armstrong. So the guy lied.  Yada yada yada.  I will tell you this, NO AMOUNT of performance drugs gave him the will to fight his cancer! That was all him, and his own will, and mind over matter, that comes from deep inside a person!!!  So LIVESTRONG!

So, I leave you with it being a new Sunday, and tomorrow being the start of a new type of chemo.  I have been told that these next 4 treatments are not as tough on the system as the last 4.  So, as I close, I look forward to "easier" chemo days!  I love you all, and can't thank you ALL enough for the support you have given to me and my family!  WE STAND IN AWE OF ALL THE LOVE!!!